My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
