? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
