She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
