You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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