I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
