Dude my mom stole all your condoms
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
