doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
