did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
