my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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