i barfeds in our rink
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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