I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
