Your dad touched me again.
You smell like stripper and shame
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
