sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
