No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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