I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
