THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
