my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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