You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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