During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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