someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
