i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
