You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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