got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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