We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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