Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
