I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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