I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
