meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
