you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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