I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
