True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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