Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
