My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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