So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
