There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
