I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
