Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
