are you still at the devil's house?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
