I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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