he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
