Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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