I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
