Screwed.edu
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
