i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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