is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
