Someone shit on the floor
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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