dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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