im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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