tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
