U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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