My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
