your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
