Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
