I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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