yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
