That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
two words: eviction party
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
