My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize