The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she peed on how many people?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
