The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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