Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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